You Know it's Bad When...
You know it's bad when your best outing in a long time is with your male, married friend. I've known Tim for quite some time now. We usually only see one another about once a year, although this year I've seen him three times since August. I just got back from dinner with him. The majority of our conversation went like this:
Tim - Kristin, I've been meaning to talk to you about your obsession with me.
Kristin - Obsession with hating your existence.
Tim - Hating me? You mean stalking me because you want my body. I know my Myspace profile is your home page.
Kristin - Please. I'm still trying to figure out why I'm here. I don't even like you.
Tim - You love me.
Kristin - Replace "love" with "loathe" and you'll have it right.
Tim - I know you're just being defensive because it's hard for you not being able to have me because I'm married, what with my stunning good looks and all.
Kristin - You? Stunning good looks? Man, I didn't know it was opposite day! I wish you'd told me.
Tim - "Opposite day"? What, are we in 4th grade? Are we in the early 90's? Are you going to say something that's not true and then yell "PSYCH!" afterward?
Kristin - God, I hate you.
And so on. It's funny that I can be at least somewhat entertained by someone I hate as much as I do Tim, and yet have such a boring time with someone I don't completely loathe.
What pisses me off the most was that he predicted I'd write a blog about him, and he's right. That douchebag. I hope he dies.
-K.
Comments
Ah ha! I knew you would blog about our dinner! Folks, believe nothing which was typed by dear Kristin. The conversation went something like this:
Kristin: I am really happy to get to hang out with you. Every year I wait for that one special day when I can see you. For me, it's bigger than Christmas.
Tim: Dude, you are really starting to creep me out, can you please hurry up and order so I can pay my half and hit the road.
Kristin: I only regret not confessing my love to you BEFORE you got married. Now I just have to cry myself to bed while I fight off creepy dudes standing in my room. I say I hate you, but it's really because I hate the fact we can't be wild monkeys in the amazon and make wild monkey love.
Tim: Waiter! I think she is ready to order!
Kristin: I'll have an order of Tim with a side of Tim and extra Tim on my Tim enchiladas please. Hold the spicy. The only hot thing I like to eat is my Tim.
Tim: You know, when I signed up for that Adopt-an-Athlete during that Special Olympics telethon, I never thought I would have to hang out with her every year!
Kristin: Can you please sit still, I am having a hard time looking into your soul. If it was "opposite day", I would hate you.
Tim - "Opposite day"?
Ah, so your pea-brain actually found the link on my Myspace page. Good job, Timmy. Those remedial reading lessons are really paying off!
P.s. I hate you.
Sounds just like my Alan. He's so shy on the phone. But as you know, so am I. Those of us who are incredibly talented and brilliant tend to be somewhat shy in conversation. I just hope the next time I see him he doesn’t try to cuddle. It was so awkward the last time...
Wow. I can't believe that half of my last post got chopped off. Oh well, you got the hatred behind it right? Great. I was kind enough to have included my joke about you being a necrophiliac... you know, the one that made us laugh so hard at dinner that we were both crying. I haven't seen you look that trampy with your mascara running since the old University Ave. days! Oh, how we met.. such a romantic tale of money for sex. Well.. I doubt I will ever blog on here.. I have a few other places I can complain at first... but who knows. Although the court order states that you have to stay atleast 200 yards away from me or you will be in violation, I guess we are still on for movie night. Where else can we get such abuse without having to pay money in a dark alley and kinda enjoy it?
P.S: You love me. Face it.
Vox is just smart enough to shut you up.
And I'm sorry I didn't go. Stop whining already. I already put you in my top friends on Myspace. What more do you want from me?